Move from tolerated coexistence to a relationship that actually feels mutual.
couples therapy
with Monica Burford, LMFT
For emotionally invested partners who want clarity, connection, and respect, but keep getting stuck in reactive cycles, silence, or confusion about what’s real anymore.
couples therapy & Coaching
with Monica Burford
For emotionally invested partners who want clarity, connection, and respect, but keep getting stuck in reactive cycles, silence, or confusion about what’s real anymore.
In 90 days, love in a way that feels active and alive, create a relationship that includes depth, effort, and growth, and end the quiet sadness that's only surviving on logistics and history.
Meet Dr. Nicole Parker
"Parenthood Changed Everything, Including Us"
Before I had my daughter, I thought I was prepared. The nursery was stocked, we’d taken all the newborn classes, and I had a freezer full of meals. Yet I still had this general sense of “we have no idea what we are getting ourselves into”. People always say “Having kids changes EVERYthing” and for us, there was a lot of truth to that statement!
After the high of the first few days and sleepless nights, the dishes and the laundry piled up, the fatigue set in and our patience with each other started to shorten. As the weeks turned into months, and months turned into years, the cracks between us grew deeper and no amount of planning could have prepared us for the reality of how much parenthood would change our relationship.
As a couple, you are probably struggling with feeling like you can’t do anything right in the eyes of your partner and you just want to know that you are good enough. You might feel so buried in resentments and disappointment that the tension in your house is almost tangible and sometimes it takes a huge effort to ask even simple questions in a civil tone. Maybe the prospect of having sex is so low on the priority list you’re not even sure how long it’s been since the last time. Or the thought of being intimate now triggers an immediate feeling of disdain, dread, or obligation. That’s just not the sort of fun, sexy energy that screams “romance!”
I understand these struggles, I have lived them too.
Maybe this sounds familiar:
You can’t remember the last time you had a meaningful conversation that didn’t involve the kids, the schedule, or the house.
You feel like you’re on opposite teams—criticizing each other more than you’re connecting.
When it comes to intimacy, there’s an unspoken tension: one of you feels hurt or rejected, while the other feels pressured or unseen.
You miss feeling close—physically and emotionally—but you’re both so exhausted or so busy that it’s easier to avoid the topic altogether.
For some couples, this disconnection is temporary. But for many, it becomes the new normal—and that’s when resentment, loneliness, and even hopelessness can creep in.
I get it. I’ve lived it, too.
Parenthood doesn’t just change your day-to-day life—it shifts the dynamics of your relationship in ways no one warns you about. But here’s the thing: you can rediscover the connection, affection, and intimacy you’re longing for. It doesn’t have to feel like this forever.
With small, intentional changes, you can:
Rebuild emotional closeness so you’re talking, laughing, and sharing your days again.
Navigate the challenges of intimacy in a way that feels safe and mutual, rather than full of tension or guilt.
Turn your relationship from an afterthought back into a priority—even in the chaos of parenting.
You’re not alone in these struggles. And it’s never too late to reconnect.
In 90 days, love in a way that feels active and alive, create a relationship that includes depth, effort, and growth, and end the quiet sadness that's only surviving on logistics and history.
HOW IT WORKS
You're not failing—you're just stuck in a pattern that connection alone can't fix.
This is the Choosing Connection Roadmap—a 9-step process to help you move from tolerated coexistence to a relationship where both people feel chosen, safe, and emotionally engaged. No more walking on eggshells, guessing what’s okay to say, or wondering if this is as good as it gets.
Phase 1: Break the Blame Cycle
Learn to address conflict without feeling like enemies and start to feel like you're on the same team.
STEP 1
Notice the Pattern
Start to see your arguments as a pattern—not proof that one of you is the problem
Map the loops you both get stuck in when things get heated or misunderstood
Recognize your role without falling into self-blame
Use the first sessions to trace where things break down—and what needs to change
STEP 2
Interrupt the Escalation
Learn how to pause before things spiral and repair before it’s too late
Build tools for emotional regulation so you don’t have to shut down or explode
Understand your partner’s reactivity without excusing it
Practice the skills to shift out of fight-or-flight and into grounded connection
STEP 3
Create Safer Conversations
Say hard things without walking on eggshells or causing shutdown
Build new communication habits rooted in curiosity, not criticism
Talk about what's real—even when you feel defensive, anxious, or afraid
Use sessions to try again, differently—without blame, stonewalling, or sarcasm
Phase 2: Rebuild Mutual Care & Trust
Feel close again by restoring emotional safety and rebuilding trust.
STEP 4
Find Your Way Back—Even When Hurt or Misunderstood
Reconnect after conflict instead of waiting for things to “just blow over”
Stop feeling like you’re the only one trying to make things better
Learn how to repair the damage—without brushing it aside or keeping score
Use therapy to restore the bridge between you, even when it feels shaky
STEP 5
Close the Emotional Distance
Shift out of roommate mode and back into emotional partnership
Rebuild a connection where both partners feel seen, chosen, and safe
Identify what creates closeness for each of you—and what quietly erodes it
Bring curiosity back into your relationship without pressure or performance
STEP 6
Feel Safe When Being Vulnerable
Say what’s true without being dismissed, misunderstood, or blamed
Stay emotionally open even when your histories make that feel risky
Learn to offer and receive vulnerability in a way that deepens trust
Practice new ways of connecting that don’t require over-functioning or shutdown
Phase 3: Rebuild the Future Without Repeating the Past
Restore respect, alignment, and connection so both feel chosen
STEP 7
Restore Intimacy Without Pressure
Redefine closeness so that cuddling or affection doesn’t always have to mean sex
Create safety around physical connection—even when the desire hasn’t matched lately
Reset intimacy when life has put that part of you both on the back burner
Learn how to stop chasing or shutting down so connection feels mutual again
STEP 8
Build a Shared Vision
Reconnect around what matters most so your future feels like a joint effort, not a silent drift
Align your values, dreams, and priorities as a couple—not just co-parents or roommates
Define what rituals, roles, and meaning-making actually feel fulfilling to you both
Use therapy to translate resentment into clarity—and create a direction you both believe in
STEP 9
Sustain Your Connection
Stop slipping back into old patterns after a good week or strong repair
Build routines that nurture intimacy even when life gets hard or busy
Learn how to check in emotionally without it feeling like more work
Keep your connection strong with tools for setbacks, repair, and long-term maintenance
HOW IT WORKS
Having kids often feels like it leaves little to nothing left for the marriage. Over time, the stress takes its toll, patience and understanding become shorter, the rough tones and rough edges become sharper and loneliness starts to set in. It doesn’t have to stay like this. There is a path back to being a strong couple while also taking care of your family by learning:
What We're Going to Cover
These sessions aren’t about generic communication tips or surface-level fixes. They’re about finally understanding what’s really going on beneath the distance, shutdowns, or constant tension, and doing something meaningful about it. Whether you’re stuck in resentment, over-functioning to keep the peace, or quietly grieving a love that still exists, this work helps you move from emotional survival mode to real connection.
How to stop tiptoeing around each other and finally name what’s not working
Say hard things without spiraling or causing shutdown
Spot the difference between true partnership and tolerated coexistence
Break reactive cycles without needing to be perfect first
Express emotional needs without guilt, shame, or confusion
How to reconnect without over-functioning, fixing, or abandoning yourself
Stay emotionally present—even when you feel anxious or misread
Speak up without sounding like you're attacking or asking for too much
Create repair that actually sticks, not just temporary calm
Rebuild safety when one or both of you have shut down emotionally
How to rebuild the future without pretending the past didn’t happen
Align on what matters most—values, roles, dreams, and priorities
Heal from long-standing hurt without getting stuck in it
Rebuild trust through consistent action, not pressure or big gestures
Move forward without slipping back into the old dynamic
HOW IT WORKS
You're not failing—you're just stuck in a pattern that connection alone can't fix.
This is the Choosing Connection Roadmap—a 9-step process to help you move from tolerated coexistence to a relationship where both people feel chosen, safe, and emotionally engaged. No more walking on eggshells, guessing what’s okay to say, or wondering if this is as good as it gets.
Phase 1: Break the Blame Cycle
Learn to address conflict without feeling like enemies and start to feel like you're on the same team.
PHASE 1
Notice the Pattern
Start to see your arguments as a pattern—not proof that one of you is the problem
Map the loops you both get stuck in when things get heated or misunderstood
Recognize your role without falling into self-blame
Use the first sessions to trace where things break down—and what needs to change
STEP 2
Interrupt the Escalation
Learn how to pause before things spiral and repair before it’s too late
Build tools for emotional regulation so you don’t have to shut down or explode
Understand your partner’s reactivity without excusing it
Practice the skills to shift out of fight-or-flight and into grounded connection
STEP 3
Create Safer Conversations
Say hard things without walking on eggshells or causing shutdown
Build new communication habits rooted in curiosity, not criticism
Talk about what's real—even when you feel defensive, anxious, or afraid
Use sessions to try again, differently—without blame, stonewalling, or sarcasm
Meet Monica Burford, MFT
Hi, I’m Monica Burford. I’m a couples and adult therapist who believes your story deserves space—and that your pain deserves more than just a coping skill.
My work is relational, culturally attuned, and emotionally honest. Whether you're feeling stuck in relationship dynamics that don’t match your values, or you’re carrying too much emotional weight on your own, this is a space to be supported, challenged, and understood.
I use Gottman Method Couples Therapy to help partners repair emotional safety, rebuild mutual respect, and stop the cycle of reactivity that leaves both people feeling alone. I also support individuals with life transitions, stress, grief, and relationship anxiety—especially when clarity feels just out of reach.
Originally from Oaxaca, Mexico, I’ve called California home since 2002. I now live in Sacramento with my husband, our two young daughters, and a very dignified (and fluffy) cat named Frank Frank. Outside of therapy, I love reading, hiking, and exploring nature with my family.
Whether you're a couple trying to find your way back to each other or an individual ready to speak the truth you’ve been holding in—I’d be honored to support you.
Phase 2: Rebuild Mutual Care & Trust
Feel close again by restoring emotional safety and rebuilding trust.
STEP 4
Find Your Way Back—Even When Hurt or Misunderstood
Reconnect after conflict instead of waiting for things to “just blow over”
Stop feeling like you’re the only one trying to make things better
Learn how to repair the damage—without brushing it aside or keeping score
Use therapy to restore the bridge between you, even when it feels shaky
STEP 5
Close the Emotional Distance
Shift out of roommate mode and back into emotional partnership
Rebuild a connection where both partners feel seen, chosen, and safe
Identify what creates closeness for each of you—and what quietly erodes it
Bring curiosity back into your relationship without pressure or performance
STEP 6
Feel Safe When Being Vulnerable
Say hard things without walking on eggshells or causing shutdown
Build new communication habits rooted in curiosity, not criticism
Talk about what's real—even when you feel defensive, anxious, or afraid
Use sessions to try again, differently—without blame, stonewalling, or sarcasm
Phase 3: Rebuild the Future Without Repeating the Past
Restore respect, alignment, and connection so both feel chosen
STEP 7
Restore Intimacy Without Pressure
Redefine closeness so that cuddling or affection doesn’t always have to mean sex
Create safety around physical connection—even when the desire hasn’t matched lately
Reset intimacy when life has put that part of you both on the back burner
Learn how to stop chasing or shutting down so connection feels mutual again
STEP 8
Build a Shared Vision
Reconnect around what matters most so your future feels like a joint effort, not a silent drift
Align your values, dreams, and priorities as a couple—not just co-parents or roommates
Define what rituals, roles, and meaning-making actually feel fulfilling to you both
Use therapy to translate resentment into clarity—and create a direction you both believe in
STEP 9
Sustain Your Connection
Stop slipping back into old patterns after a good week or strong repair
Build routines that nurture intimacy even when life gets hard or busy
Learn how to check in emotionally without it feeling like more work
Keep your connection strong with tools for setbacks, repair, and long-term maintenance
HOW IT WORKS
Having kids often feels like it leaves little to nothing left for the marriage. Over time, the stress takes its toll, patience and understanding become shorter, the rough tones and rough edges become sharper and loneliness starts to set in. It doesn’t have to stay like this. There is a path back to being a strong couple while also taking care of your family by learning:
What We're Going to Cover
These sessions aren’t about generic communication tips or surface-level fixes. They’re about finally understanding what’s really going on beneath the distance, shutdowns, or constant tension, and doing something meaningful about it. Whether you’re stuck in resentment, over-functioning to keep the peace, or quietly grieving a love that still exists, this work helps you move from emotional survival mode to real connection.
How to stop tiptoeing around each other and finally name what’s not working
Say hard things without spiraling or causing shutdown
Spot the difference between true partnership and tolerated coexistence
Break reactive cycles without needing to be perfect first
Express emotional needs without guilt, shame, or confusion
How to reconnect without over-functioning, fixing, or abandoning yourself
Stay emotionally present—even when you feel anxious or misread
Speak up without sounding like you're attacking or asking for too much
Create repair that actually sticks, not just temporary calm
Rebuild safety when one or both of you have shut down emotionally
How to rebuild the future without pretending the past didn’t happen
Align on what matters most—values, roles, dreams, and priorities
Heal from long-standing hurt without getting stuck in it
Rebuild trust through consistent action, not pressure or big gestures
Move forward without slipping back into the old dynamic
Checkout what other couples say about working with Nicole
Would you like to join them?
you got questions?
We have answers!
How does this program work?
This is a structured online couples therapy program delivered through weekly video sessions over a 90-day period. You and your partner will meet virtually with Monica from the comfort of your own home—no commute, no awkward waiting room. Every session focuses on what’s really happening beneath the surface of conflict, disconnection, or communication breakdown. You’ll work through emotional reactivity, build healthier communication habits, and restore trust using research-based tools from the Gottman Method and emotionally focused techniques. Whether you're looking to repair a marriage, restore intimacy, or reconnect as partners, you'll be guided through a step-by-step process designed to rebuild your relationship.
What’s covered in the program?
This relationship therapy program targets the most critical areas for healing and growth: emotional safety, conflict resolution, communication, intimacy, and future planning. You'll learn how to stop reactive patterns, express needs without shutdown or guilt, and foster emotional closeness. Each session builds on the last—offering a roadmap to help you feel seen, respected, and connected again. This isn't generic marriage advice—it’s specialized couples counseling that meets you where you're at and gives you the structure to move forward together.
Who’s this for, and not for?
This online marriage counseling program is ideal for couples who are emotionally invested but stuck in unproductive cycles. It’s especially helpful if you’re dealing with repeated arguments, emotional distance, anxious attachment, intimacy issues, or resentment. It’s also appropriate for one partner to start individually if the other isn’t ready yet. However, this isn’t a good fit if you’re seeking quick fixes, unwilling to reflect on your role in the dynamic, or in a crisis requiring emergency intervention.
What if I’m still not sure?
It’s completely normal to feel unsure about starting therapy—especially when things feel confusing, fragile, or uncertain in your relationship. That’s why Monica offers a free video consultation. You’ll talk through your current challenges and explore how this couples therapy process might support you both. There’s no pressure to commit—just a chance to get clarity and see if this approach feels aligned for your relationship, your needs, and your long-term goals.
Stop surviving in silence. Start building something that lasts.
You don’t have to stay stuck in tolerated coexistence, quiet resentment, or emotional distance. If you're ready to feel close again (and like true partners in this life) let’s get started.
Meet Monica Burford, MFT
Hi, I’m Monica Burford. I’m a couples and adult therapist who believes your story deserves space—and that your pain deserves more than just a coping skill.
My work is relational, culturally attuned, and emotionally honest. Whether you're feeling stuck in relationship dynamics that don’t match your values, or you’re carrying too much emotional weight on your own, this is a space to be supported, challenged, and understood.
I use Gottman Method Couples Therapy to help partners repair emotional safety, rebuild mutual respect, and stop the cycle of reactivity that leaves both people feeling alone. I also support individuals with life transitions, stress, grief, and relationship anxiety—especially when clarity feels just out of reach.
Originally from Oaxaca, Mexico, I’ve called California home since 2002. I now live in Sacramento with my husband, our two young daughters, and a very dignified (and fluffy) cat named Frank Frank. Outside of therapy, I love reading, hiking, and exploring nature with my family.
Whether you're a couple trying to find your way back to each other or an individual ready to speak the truth you’ve been holding in—I’d be honored to support you.
you got questions?
We have answers!
How does this work?
This is a structured online couples therapy program delivered through weekly video sessions over a 90-day period. You and your partner will meet virtually with Monica from the comfort of your own home—no commute, no awkward waiting room. Every session focuses on what’s really happening beneath the surface of conflict, disconnection, or communication breakdown. You’ll work through emotional reactivity, build healthier communication habits, and restore trust using research-based tools from the Gottman Method and emotionally focused techniques. Whether you're looking to repair a marriage, restore intimacy, or reconnect as partners, you'll be guided through a step-by-step process designed to rebuild your relationship.
What’s covered in the program?
This relationship therapy program targets the most critical areas for healing and growth: emotional safety, conflict resolution, communication, intimacy, and future planning. You'll learn how to stop reactive patterns, express needs without shutdown or guilt, and foster emotional closeness. Each session builds on the last—offering a roadmap to help you feel seen, respected, and connected again. This isn't generic marriage advice—it’s specialized couples counseling that meets you where you're at and gives you the structure to move forward together.
Who’s this for, and not for?
This online marriage counseling program is ideal for couples who are emotionally invested but stuck in unproductive cycles. It’s especially helpful if you’re dealing with repeated arguments, emotional distance, anxious attachment, intimacy issues, or resentment. It’s also appropriate for one partner to start individually if the other isn’t ready yet. However, this isn’t a good fit if you’re seeking quick fixes, unwilling to reflect on your role in the dynamic, or in a crisis requiring emergency intervention.
What if I’m still not sure?
It’s completely normal to feel unsure about starting therapy—especially when things feel confusing, fragile, or uncertain in your relationship. That’s why Monica offers a free video consultation. You’ll talk through your current challenges and explore how this couples therapy process might support you both. There’s no pressure to commit—just a chance to get clarity and see if this approach feels aligned for your relationship, your needs, and your long-term goals.
Stop surviving in silence. Start building something that lasts.
You don’t have to stay stuck in tolerated coexistence, quiet resentment, or emotional distance. If you're ready to feel close again (and like true partners in this life) let’s get started.
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